The Sexes Pt. 2

***WARNING! EXPLICIT IDEAS AND LANGUAGE, NOT FOR KIDS***

I have been asking female friends what is important to them in a relationship and have picked the dozen most popular items. Guys this is for you. No judgment here, you do what you want but remember, our  love of sex is directly related to how we feel about you and ourselves.

1-Size does matter.Too big and its no fun. Too small and it's no fun. I don't need to give dimensions here,  if you fit either category you know who you are & have learned to compensate for it in other ways. If you  are not sure then you are fine, stop worrying about it. So yes, size matters but it works out so stop obsessing. We still enjoy it.

2-Stop telling us we look just as good without make-up. first, we know it's a lie. You either like us less or         more without it but it's not the same. We put a lot of money, time and effort into looking good and when you tell us it doesn't matter either way we lose motivation to look good and then you complain we let ourselves go. Admit it, you want us to look good, so say so, but DO let us know we are still attractive without make-up, even if not as much as with it, or tell us we look better but not the same. As for fat, always love us fat, even if you have to lie.

3-We know what you do. Yes, we do. You look at other women all the time. You think about sex with    them. You want to see or be in a 3-way. You want our sister/best friend. You fake orgasms and  know we do too. You watch/read porn...a lot....really. But you do worse things. You think we  look delicious but don't bother to tell us. You hesitate by the flower shop or the card store but  you keep walking.  You think about how much you love us at that moment but don't say it. See  the pattern? Think little things often, not big things occasionally. Little things are the best.

4-Do not hog the remote. You cannot imagine how much this annoys us. Not only do we feel "lucky" if we get to watch what we want to watch, but it is an overt power play on your part, some testosterone driven way of showing dominance over us and that really pisses us off.

5-NEVER tell us the following, even if we beg for honesty:

o   "You are not the prettiest girl I ever dated"

o   "You're being too emotional" or "It's just your period talking"

o   "She sure is hot"

o   "wow your sister /Mom/friend is hot"

o   "Your boobs are (too big, too small uneven...anything but perfect)"

o   "you are a good (cook, lover, shopper, massager) like my ex was"

o   how many sexual partners you have had and/or where we rank

6-We wonder 3 weeks prior if you will remember our birthday. Most anything else can be forgotten and           forgiven but not that...and your anniversary if you are married.

7-Never give her an important gift that looks like you picked it up at the last minute.  It doesn't matter   how expensive it is or if she even likes it but it has to look like you put thought into it. And if she  is not happy with thoughtful but inexpensive gifts  dump her, she is a bitch anyway. Small gifts mean the world. Guys you never do get this one. Pick us a flower. Grab those M&Ms we love at the check out. Surprise  us with a new spatula when we get mad our favorite one broke.  We  treasure these gifts more than anything because they show you are thinking about us, that you want us to smile, that you care. Again, if your GF is not like this she is a bitch, dump her.

                                               

8-Always defend your girlfriend/wife when someone is putting her down, hurting her  feelings, damaging her in any way. You don't have to pretend she is right when she is not, but   you do have to make her feel treasured and protected and guess what....YOU will feel great  about yourself when you do this. Chivalry is not dead, no matter how hard the 70's tried to kill  it.

9-Though this is number 9 this may be the most important one and the one you will have the hardest time mastering. Do not talk over top of us, ever ever ever. OK, knock down drag out fights sure,  scream at each other if you want but general conversation? Women are talked over by men in every part of society (I saw a male interviewer try to do that to Hilary Clinton!) and if you do  not do it she will notice and think you think she is the most important person in the world  to you. Men, do not under estimate the power of this one and the related number 10...

10-LISTEN to us. Okay? Do not HEAR us, listen to us. We know if you are or not. My husband is a rare     gem who has always listened to me and it makes me feel loved and respected and important. He will order pizza  with light sauce because he remembered I told him once sauce is not my thing.  He chose the white shirt over the yellow since he remembered I hate yellow...that my mother is a gardener, that in 9th grade I got beaten up...he listens to me like I listen to him and that  makes me feel precious.

11- Kiss us. Often. Well. Passionately. Like teenagers. We will be yours forever if we melt in your arms. You can do it, it's part of how you got us in the first place.

12- Find the common thread here. review these items and figure out what they all have in common. it's              really not that hard if you think about it.