Give The Gift of Hope

After the mass killings last week, I had so much to say, so much feeling, that I had intended to write it all down but honestly, there are much better writers out there than me, and I doubt I could say saything that has not already been said so many times. I also think the sooner we stop paying attention to this as a nation the sooner these poor families can begin the long road down recovery from grief.

Having said that, I would like to offer a little different approach. Each Christmas I make it a point to "nag" all of you to take a minute to look at this wonderful site and this year, hopefully our hearts are feeling particularly generous.

It is The Hunger Site. This is a unique organization that allows you to give, over the course of time, large amounts of charity to those in need without costing you a dime, simply less than a minute of your time each day, a little bit at a time.

Organizations like World Wildlife Fund, Novica, ASPCA, booksfirst.org, and many more are all involved in this one site, which is set up to make it easy for all of us. I will probably over explain this (as I am known to do) but it really is quite simple.

If you sign up, no cost, no email selling, they send you a reminder email daily, with a link, to their site.  The link takes you to the main site where you see a button that says "click to give food". Immediately after you click you are taken to the sponsor page which is a simple page with a list of sponsors on it. If you choose to ignore it fine, if not and you buy something from the sponsors your donation is doubled, tripled, or whatever they donate. Then you go to the top of the page and you will see tabs for sites including hunger, breast cancer, animals, veterans, autism, child health, literacy and rainforest. You then click a tab and go through the same process. Personally, I can click each tab, hit the donate button and get through all of them in less than one minute. After you click they tell you at the top what your click gave. Today I gave 1.1 cups of food to the hungry, helped a woman pay for a momogram, fed one animal and one veteran a meal, gave a few minutes of therapy to an autistic child, helpd buy a child a book and saved 11 square feet of rainforest.

Here is the catch; there is none. You click and at the end of each month the sponsors see how many clicks there were and pay the site per click so the more people do this the more is given. (you can only click once a day so you don't have to feel bad for not doing this multiple times) If you buy from their store or a sponor it can be a lot more but you don't have to do a thing but click to give.

Now one cup of food doesn't seem like a lot, but I do this ever day so that is 365 cups of food I have given this year for doing basically nothing, and if you multiply that by the several people I have convinced this year to do the same, the next thing you know there is  a village of children with food I their bellies each day, or several women being screened for breast cancer, or even several acres of rainforest that is now protected. And it takes less than a minute a day. Oh and each tabbed site has petitions you can sign, anonomously, to further a cause.

I was skeptical when I saw this so I did a boatload of research on the company and the places the money goes to and found that not only is this site ranked on of the best charities in the US, but 100% of the donated funds from the sponsors goes to charity...all of it. Then I looked into the charities and found they are the best and the most efficient around. If you want more info just dig around the site, there are vertical tabs with all the info you need but you can believe me this is a heck of a way to give something daily with minimal effort and no cost to you.

So this Christmas, give the world a gift. Sign up here to be added to the reminder list and take 60 seconds a day to click click click to givebooks, food, education, medicine shelter to animals, children, women and veterans...just give.

Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, and Namaste to everyone, our beliefs vary, but we all have the same goal; peace, love and happiness for all.

Death Hits Home

When my cat Chloe was small I bought her a pet...another kitten. I named him Merlin and he was an adorable little gray fuzzball. They grew up together, good friends, playing at night and snuggling on occasion during the day.
I left my home in Charlotte and Merlin had become so attached to my best friend Tom that I left Merlin with him. I did not think either would be happy without each other.
Over the years Tom and I have kept in touch, always keeping each other updated on both Merlin and Chloe. I have been lucky, Chloe has been healthy but over the last few years Merlin's health had begun to decline.
Last night I checked my email and Tom had written me that he had to put Merlin down, he was suffering too much and it was not fair to keep him alive just to save him the pain of losing him.
I try to write something about all my friend's pets that pass since I love animals probably more than poeple so I know how deeply this can hurt, but now it has hit home for me in a way. Though I did not see him for the last almost decade of his life, I never let go of Merlin in my heart and still keep pictures of him.

Merlin was a character, constant struggling with his weight, as neutered males that stay indoors will, but he was also an inherently lazy cat, we sometimes called him Garfield. I remember one time I found him laying down next to his food dish, reaching his arm into the bowl and scooping the food out and to his mouth. The decadence of the Roman Empire immediately came to mind. After that Tom spend years engineering food dishes that would keep him from over eating while he was gone but each one Merlin found a way to break into.
He was also a very affectionate cat. People don't think of cats as affectionate but he was. He always wanted to be on a lap on  a close by chair, he loved sleeping in the bed with Tom and his only real interest in the outdoors was an occasion smell and a tentative paw, followed by a daring 3 or 4 feet into the great wilderness, then back inside to safety.
I am glad Merlin is gone in a way, I will miss him but the thought of him suffering would be too much to handle and I know Tom, you did the right thing. You gave him the best life a cat could have and more medical care than most anyone else would have. (He practically had a vet hospital in his home) I know he was your friend, your companion and the only "person" you truly could trust and count on 100%. My sadness for you is so big I cannot find the words to describe it, only the constant tears could speak for me. I want to to make it all go away but all I can do is let you know that you have more people who are real friends, and more friends who love you that I think you know. Reach out a little, just for now. It will help you and make then feel better. It aways feels good to help someone.
Maybe some day you will get another cat, though I doubt it will be any time soon, but once you have had one its almost impossible not to get another at some point. They become a living presence in your home and everything feels empty without one, especially now that "Monkey" is gone.
I was hoping to be more eloquent but truth be told I have not slept since yesterday morning. When I got the news I cried for a long time and was awake all night after that so I am not at my literary best. But the bottom line is you are loved, you are cared about and your friends will come to you if you let them in and call or write me, I am here.
A big warm hug to you and one last one to Merlin. I love you Monkey and we will never forget you.

Cocoa You Are Missed

A few weeks ago a dear friend, Marie, lost her treasured Cocoa, one of the cutest tiny dogs I have ever seen. She had such a sweet disposition and, no matter how many of us big hulking humans were at the house, she never got cross with us, always wagging her tail and just wanting her share of attention. I know she was like a child to Marie and my heart breaks for you Honey, I know you still grapple daily with the loss of her, and I understand, our pets ARE our children and when we lose one, even though we go into it knowing it is inevitable, it is never, ever easy. Things here have been hectic but that is no excuse. We love you like family and know you will somehow overcome this and we want to help and be there for you if you need us.
 She is, after all, in a good place now (and more and more evidence pointing to that fact surfaces all the time so forget what anyone tells you about no heaven for animals, its hooey). I know you can never replace her, but you will always remember her so she will really never leave.

At Cross Purposes

Just came across an interesting article today that shows that there are seven states that will not allow a "godless" person to hold office.

I have been trying to explain to my Christian friends how very scary it is for an agnostic like me in this country right now. It seems that if you are not "of the faith" you are an immoral soul and should be shunned. Frankly, I cannot think of anything that has caused more death and destruction historically than "god", or rather, the belief  in one, and perhaps it is these narrow minded believers who need to take a look at who is doing what to whom.

I am thinking of launching a ship, maybe I will call it The Mayflower, and finding a deserted land where I can practice (or not practice) my religion as I see fit...oh wait, isnt that what THIS country was supposed to be about? Silly me.

here is a list:

Arkansas, Article 19, Section 1:
No person who denies the being of a God shall hold any office in the civil departments of this State, nor be competent to testify as a witness in any Court.

Maryland, Article 37:
That no religious test ought ever to be required as a qualification for any office of profit or trust in this State, other than a declaration of belief in the existence of God; nor shall the Legislature prescribe any other oath of office than the oath prescribed by this Constitution.

Mississippi, Article 14, Section 265:
No person who denies the existence of a Supreme Being shall hold any office in this state.

North Carolina, Article 6, Section 8
The following persons shall be disqualified for office: Any person who shall deny the being of Almighty God.

South Carolina, Article 17, Section 4:
No person who denies the existence of a Supreme Being shall hold any office under this Constitution.

Tennessee, Article 9, Section 2:
No person who denies the being of God, or a future state of rewards and punishments, shall hold any office in the civil department of this state.

Texas, Article 1, Section 4:
No religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office, or public trust, in this State; nor shall any one be excluded from holding office on account of his religious sentiments, provided he acknowledge the existence of a Supreme Being.

Love Lessons

Love is a tricky word. Most people say "I love you" much easier than they can actually define what exactly "love" is. It seems to mean something different to each person, but one thing that is universal, no matter how much of a romantic you are, is that love is NOT all you need.

 I dedicate this blog to Gretchen and Miranda, two beautiful and unique young women whom I love very much and who I want to benefit from not only my half a century of personal experience, including 2 failed marriages, but from all the knowledge I have learned from my friends, my enemies, and my  precious books.

So here are some ways to tell if the guy is a keeper or a throw away. I had to learn this the hard way, with lots of heartbreak, some of which changed me, and I don't want that to happen to you.

Please notice that "do you love him?" is not in here anywhere, since we love many things that are not good for us, be them cigarettes, sugar, fried food, or toxic men. I am also assuming you would not be reading this if you did not think you were in love already.

Take what you want and leave the rest. Pass this on to your friends if you think it can help, or just scrap the whole thing and call me crazy. You are old enough to make your own decisions, I just hope you will give my ideas a chance. I want only love and life and happiness for you and if I can prevent even a little heartbreak I will be happy, so here goes:

• How does he treat his mother and his sisters? This is a universal truth; a man will treat you like he treat the women already in his life, especially his mother. if he shows disrespect, contempt or ignores her needs and wishes you can be guaranteed at some point he will start treating you the same way.
• After a few dates, can he tell you what color your eyes are? After a month does he know your favorite song? Movie? Color? If he can't tell you the color of your eyes or know the basics of your likes after a reasonable amount of time, he is not really into the person you are inside. It may be he is not that interested, or that he doesn't pay attention but either way, you don't want someone who doesn't want to get to know you inside and out.
• Does he ask questions when you talk and does he remember the answers in a week? Is there equal parts talking and listening in the conversation? Can you sit for hours and talk without it turning into sex? Do you feel you can tell him anything and that he tells all his secrets to you too? Communication is the hallmark of intimacy and intimacy is what keeps love and relationships alive. When you decide to look for a mate for life, remember that the fireworks end at some point. Is this person interesting enough to you, and in you, to sit on the porch and chat with when you are 80? Even if its just a high school thing, you are just now learning about intimacy, find a worthy partner to learn with. (And I don't mean physical intimacy, I won't be touching that one yet).
• This is a huge one: Does he "get you"? Does he understand your quirky jokes, your oddball ways and is he able to relate to them? Do you have "Seinfeld moments" together? Inside jokes? Does he fit into your family, with your friends, into your life and who you are easily or do you have to make some adjustments? Of all the indicators, this is in the top 3 of whether or not a relationship will work, you must "get" each other.
• Do you make each other laugh? This sounds trite but laughter will get you through a lot together so you better be able to make each other laugh. Life it too serious as it is, you need to be able to have fun together. This is also an indicator that you are friends as well as "loves", a combination that is vital to the health of a relationship.
• Physical abuse is easy to see, but emotional abuse or neglect is a bit trickier. Some red flags, indicators that you need to run away fast: Does he talk over top of you, interrupt you? Does he dismiss your feelings or your needs? Does he sigh, roll his eyes, say "whatever" if he doesn't understand instead of asking to clarify? Does he try to tear down your family or isolate you from them or your friends? Is he  jealous or possessive? Does he respect your privacy? Do you walk on eggshells around him, for any reason? Any of these things is a very bad sign. You cannot change him. This is important so I will say it again: YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM. Run away before he destroys your confidence, your spirit and your sense of self. You deserve the best. Always. If you come away with nothing else, remember this one.
• Do you feel safe with him? Not just physically safe (he won't hurt you and will try to protect you from harm) but emotionally. Again, can you talk about and express your feeling without fear of ridicule or dismissal? Many men take the stance that if THEY don't think your emotions are"valid" or "appropriate" then they can dismiss them and of course this is unacceptable behavior. And does he fight fair? Do you feel safe expressing negative feelings without worry that he will end the relationship or that he will stoop to name calling, bringing up old fights, or hitting "below the belt"? Can you trust him with your feelings and does he trust you with his?
• Are you as important as anything else in his life? School? Sports? Friends? Because if you are not, believe me, taking a back seat to other things gets old fast and will ruin your self esteem and destroy emotional intimacy. You deserve to be number one in his life, or at least tied with  family or friends or football. If not, find someone else who is smart enough to see how awesome you are. He is out there.
• Does he open doors for you? This might seem silly or outdated but if he doesn't, tell him you would like him to. You will feel special and cherished and it will make him feel more manly, I guarantee it.
• Finally, Don't settle, ever. Make sure he is honest, that he has morals and that he will not compromise them for anyone, even you. Make sure he is sincere and straight forward. Make sure he thinks you are the best. Money can be lost, and "cool" in a guy is sexy and magnetic, but it doesn't last. Once you get used to the cool or he can't put up the facade any longer (and cool is really just an act) the person under it all is what you are getting and is what ultimately will satisfy your heart and your mind, not image and not material things.

Be happy lovely ones. I wish you the best and remember, always be true to yourself and you won't go wrong.

Sugar Nanny

"It appears my hypocrisy knows no bounds". - Val Kilmer as Doc Holiday in Tombstone

Michelle Obama chose nutrition and physical fitness for children as her First Lady pet project. A safe and noble choice. I personally remember when there was just one "fat" kid in class that got picked on and now at least a third or more would fit that description, and unfortunately these weight problems are becoming more evident at a younger and younger age. It breaks my heart to see rolls of fat on a 5 year old. Of course the reasons for this are obvious. In the last few decades our food has become more processed, parents both have to work, leaving kids alone after school to eat cake instead of carrots, even schools serve fries, chocolate milk, donuts and some even have, can you imagine, COKE machines!

But the worst offender seems to be technology. Before Apple was a company and when  Pong was just a dream, kids could stay inside and do homework and listen to the adults talk (ew) or watch some crap on the 3 stations of TV you got. Outside seemed the best choice. I can easily think of a dozen games I played either by myself or with friends that kept me active and burning calories. Even just climbing trees or picking my way through the creek probably kept my muscles toned and my weight down. Back then McDonald's was a monthly treat if we had been good, not a food group in and of itself.

So having our first lady raising awareness and showing us ways (even writing a book) on how to have better nutrition and physical exercise in our lives is a worthy cause that most people will embrace. Unfortunately, some a little more zealously than others.

Recently Mayor Bloomberg of New York has proposed to ban the sale of soft drinks more than 16 ounces in size. Apparently the good Mayor feels it is his business what I pour down my gullet. Now anyone who knows me would probably have expected a blog on this, being more of a libertarian that a Democrat (hear that Daddy?). This serious irks me, so let me ask Mayor B a few questions.

Dear Mayor Bloomberg, what prevents me from buying six  10 ounces sodas and drinking all of them? What if I am drinking unsweetened tea, are you going to deprive me of the cancer fighting properties of tea by limiting my intake? How many sundaes, apple pies, or cinnamon buns can I have with my 16 ounce drink? Are you going to tell me how many packets of sugar I can put in my coffee at Hardee's? Of course these are assinine questions because this is an assinine proposal. So lets get serious for a moment, lets ask some real questions here.

Dear Mayor Bloomberg, who the hell are you to tell me how much soda I can drink? Who the hell are you to tell McDonald's how much soda they can sell me in one serving? Why do you care so much about what I drink, yet are not working day and night to make cigarettes or alcohol illegal? Yes, I am addressing THAT elephant in the room. How far are you going to take this nutrition bandwagon? Will Sugar be limited in gracery stores? Will you put a city "sin"tax on it?

On a brighter note, I am heartened to see the media  ( Fox ass-kissers aside) being just as outraged as I am. Post 911 has made us a bunch of pansies, allowing the government to delve deeper and deeper into our private lives by pushing our fear buttons, so it is nice to see some pushback, even if its just a little.

So basically Mayor Bloomberg, sit down and shut up and focus a little harder on improving the food your government schools are serving our kids, their physical education classes that are a joke, and helping the masses of under povertly level children who suffer in your fair city.

Oh and by the way, I dare you to actually measure out how much of that over 16 ounce cup is soda. My guess is, once all the ice they put in is taken out, you are lucky if you get a third of the volume of the cup in actual liquid.

Our Boys

As usual, my topic is a day late but hopefully not a dollar short. Memorial Day has come and gone, all potato salad has been eaten or thrown out, and creepy Uncle Bob has gone back to Iowa.

For most of us, this is the extent of Memorial Day.  That, and the start of a four day work week. But to millions of Americans and their families, Memorial Day reminds of a time when lives were forever changed.

I am not old enough to remember any war before the “Vietnam Conflict” (read WAR), but that one I do remember. My grandfather was in the military and I remember him sending me lovely Asian dolls dressed in satin and pajamas for me made of blue silk. But I also remember the evening news, during a time when Americans were not afraid of reality, when we took our news in more than sound bytes, on subjects more important than Lindsay Lohan's most recent rehab stint, back when simply listing the names of the fallen during the last 3 minutes of the news simply was not good enough.

As a child I remember sitting on the floor in front of the TV, rabbit ears with aluminum foil covering them rotating slightly back and forth, watching actual footage of the war. No music, no dramatic commentary, only soldiers, in the trenches, fighting for their lives, for their buddies lives. I was small but I remember a lot of blood, a lot of mud and a lot of noise, relentless noise; bombs, gunfire, shouting, everything happening at once. But the worst part, the hardest part, was seeing these men fall. No, fall is not the right word, seeing these men blown backwards or straight upwards, sometimes out of their helmets, and no one taking notice, being concerned with saving their own skin (and rightfully so). To be fair, I have a vague recollection of a news anchor, (and I am sure he is famous, Donaldson??) being there, right with our boys in the trenches, reporting live to us the horrors of what was really happening. Much more effective, in my book, than respectful dead silence and a list of names scrolling across the screen before a deodorant commercial airs. Of course these dramatic scenes were not on the news every time, but enough that I remember them after over 4 decades.

We all are aware of the disgraceful way our troops were "welcomed" home after that war, something that is a subject of historical significance but beyond the scope of this post. To say that the Vietnam conflict was hellish is to grossly minimize its impact on each human that was involved. Yet though the returning troops were treated unfairly at best, they did, eventually, force us to realize the horrors of war, both physical and emotional. They made us face the truth of conflict, that it can be honorable and brave, but it is mostly bloody and wasteful. The veterans of Vietnam forced a generation to face reality, kicking and screaming at times.

SILENT HELL - PTSD

My personal experience with veterans with PTSD involved men with mild forms of it, men who could still function in society and usually could "hide" their fears. One man I worked with, a Vietnam vet, was fine except he always had to have his back to a wall. Since that wall could be 7 or 8 feet away no one noticed, but sit at a table with no wall behind him and you could see him sweat and his eyes begin to dart around the room. Another I knew had been in the Gulf War and would go into fits of irrational rage for no reason but luckily he never hurt a person or an object, just a lot of incoherent shouting and running up and down steps if he could find them, then a return to normal rationality. Yet another I know still will not admit he has it, but refuses to speak of the wars in the Middle East he has been in and cannot watch anything on TV that uses night vision goggles, and has a hard time with shows about conflicts in the desert as well. But these men are coping.

But what of prior war veterans? What of the returning vets from Korean? WWII?  All the way back to the Civil War (or the War of Northern Aggression as these delusional southerners call it)? These men returned home from battle with the shadow of romantic war movies following them around. To civilians exposed only to newsreels and movies of the time, these men fought clean and fair, in dusty trenches with bullets ricocheting here and there, not in the reality of muddy trenches made from rain and blood, a sea of bullets swirling around them.  To those stateside, these were war heroes, men who spent most of their time watching Betty Grable in a USO show, not picking schrapnel from their buddies’ faces. But they were...they WERE. The Hollywood portrayal of the soldier prior to the Vietnam conflict was a watered down, a sanitized version of what real life was like in battle. Tell me, have you ever seen a film or a photo of a WWII vet with no legs? Never. That’s because were none. The medical technology of the day hardly allowed for your survival if your legs were blown off or if you lost an arm. You were not put in a wheel chair and sent home, you went home in a box. And still, no one spoke of it.

But not all wounds are visible. Many, possibly most, are hidden deep within the minds and souls of these men returning from a hell they could never have imagined. Because can we honestly be naive enough to think war was any less brutal and merciless, any less treacherous and painful in 1775 than in 1975? I once saw a special on PBS where half a dozen WWII vets were interviewed, most POWs. The stories they told and the scars they showed were no less horrific than anything Vietnam ever produced. Please don’t get me wrong I am not comparing vets, I am admonishing society for its poor treatment of all vets, albeit in different ways. For as distained and ignored as the Vietnam vet was, the WWII vet was so canonized upon his return that he could not possibly live up to his image, and certainly had no room in his life to shed the tears and scream the frustrations society forced him to suppress.

A recently released film from just after WWII brought this home to me. It was a documentary made by the director John Huston about what we today call Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Back then they had many names for it, usually with the word "neurosis" in it. Once produced and then reviewed by the government it was immediately shelved. Bad for moral, bad publicity, blah blah, same old government image machine churning away. Then in 1980 the film was rediscovered but, unfortunately, was in such bad condition, especially the audio, that it was unusable. But now it has been restored, probably to even better shape than the original. The bottom of this post gives a link to this film and a few others about the war, showing us things we never learned about in history class.

If you ever get the chance to go to Washington D.C. I highly recommend you visit Arlington Cemetery and the Vietnam Memorial (I have not seen some of the more recent memorials so I cannot comment on them). Photos of Arlington do not do it justice. Acres of headstones, as far as you can see, each representing a member of our military that, in some fashion, served our country. The sheer number is awe inspiring and, for me, sentimental, since I know my grandfather is in there among the sea of white marble.

The Vietnam Memorial is one of the most moving places you may ever visit. I have seen many museums, art galleries, memorials, and battlefields, having grown up in the D.C. area, but nothing, nothing prepared me for this. Though just a small child during this time in our history, I immediately felt part of it. Touching the names, seeing the people frantically searching for their friend’s and relative’s names, only to dissolve into tears of what seem a mixture of joy and sorrow when they find it. People making rubbings, leaving notes or stuffed animals, all the while no one saying a word. I remember feeling my own tears burning down my face for these men I never knew, men who, in today’s military, are just babies to me now. And my mother. The memory of my mother looking for her friend's name on the wall, never saying a word, just searching, hoping. She never found him. Her disappointment was palatable. Yes, he did die in the war but no, she could not find his name, and for some reason this was important, for some reason she had been cheated out of a closure she probably needed more than she realized.

I hope you get to visit these places, I hope you watch the movie, maybe even two, and I hope they touch your soul, and that next Memorial Day will really matter to you.

Support the troops, not the wars. Amen brother.

http://www.filmpreservation.org/preserved-films/screening-room/let-there-be-light-1946

Seriously?

Our freedom fighting TSA agents have rescued us once again from the evil terrorists masquerading as four-year-old Midwestern girls.

In a Huffington Post story today, (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/25/tsa-defends-pat-down-of-c_n_1454410.html?icid=maing-) Isabella Brademeyer was targeted as a suspect at an airport in Wichita, Kansas after hugging her grandmother. Isabella had just been taught the dangers of talking to strangers, according to her parents, and was screaming and terrified as she was patted down, her family crying as they looked on. At one point she began to run away and agents threatened to shut down the entire airport if she did not come back. Her parents' statement on the matter conveyed that they understood the need for security but that there was no compassion or understand afforded their child and they had to realize that they were dealing with a four-year-old and not a terrorist.

Silly parents. Don't they understand that in today's travel environment everyone is a terrorist until proven unarmed? And rightfully so, I might add, since our post 911 screening procedures have thwarted untold numbers of would be assassins from boarding airplanes and blowing something up. Sarcasm aside, someone please tell me how many hijackings have been prevented by random rent-a-cops at the airport feeling us up and seeing us naked, taking our shoes and rooting thru our personal belongings? I have yet to see any real numbers here folks.

In my opinion, the entire screening process at airports is simply a show to keep us, the irrationally frightened traveler, happy and secure. This is certainly not a major issue I think about daily, but every now and again a story like this pops up that makes me wonder where the hell the America I grew up in is, you remember, the one where we were not afraid of a little danger if it meant we maintained the status of the only truly free nation on earth, the time when we actually had some mettle. I am tired of reading about people falling out of wheelchairs while being searched, of seeing videos of women so frightened and intimidated they are visibly shaking in videos while being singled out as suspects.

Lets face facts here. 911 did not happen because airport security was lax. It happened because our intelligence community did not have their act together. The right hand had no idea what the left hand was doing so the Jihadists slipped right thru the middle. Pretty simple. And since 911 that problem has been mostly resolved and we have prevented other attacks on us and other countries when they were still in the planning stages. Have we eliminated them totally? No, and we never will. A holy war is unwinnable and lasts as long as the zealots of that religion exist, so we need to learn to live with uncertainty like so many other nations have done for millennium. We are no long untouchable.

The last place a terrorist is going to go is another airplane.

Look, even a simple screening process of people and their luggage is going to yield almost anything that is a real threat. There is no need to "x-ray" passengers so that some faceless TSA agent can see them naked. And racist or not, the vast majority of terrorists look the part. They are from the mid-east, and the remaining ones are white drifting college students, usually male, who get sucked into this religion that seems more and more like a cult for the depressed and subnormally intelligent. So if you are going to torment your passengers, at least leave grandpa in his wheelchair alone.

As long as we are being honest here, our best defense has been and will continue to be, other passengers. On 911 a few brave men launched at attack on their hijackers that ultimately ended with the plane crashing in a field leaving no survivors. But those men, those heroes, set an example, planted a mindset in our citizens that states that we would rather die fighting than be held like cattle and allow ourselves to be quetly led to slaughter. I certainly have read more AP stories of passengers subduing other suspicious or rowdy passengers mid-flight than I have the TSA finding explosives strapped to a four-year-old at the airport in Kansas. So many people (myself included) board planes now with the resolve in their hearts that if anything "funny" should happen, we have no problem becoming the attackers, that we would rather give a rebel yell and go down in a ball of fire than be hijacked and on a plane that runs into a building full of people or is taken to god knows where. It happens. We hear about passengers doing just this. And this alone must give these terrorists pause, because oh my god the infidels have become as reckless and crazy as we are, which makes them unpredictable and fearless, and how do we fight that? Guess what, you don't.

The real danger here is not my nail clippers, it is not my shampoo or in the soles of my shoes, it is in the mindset of some Americans that all these abuses of privacy we must endure to fly are somehow justified, somehow keep us safe, when in actuality the very reason for these absurdities to be implimented in the first place was miscommunication between departments at a much higher government level than the barely effective airport security measures now in place. This also goes for the majority of The Patriot Act ( a misnomer if ever there was one) and Gitmo, both of which are blogs in and of themselves (yeah thanks for keeping THAT promise Obama). A person I love very much, a family member, who I consider very well read, very well versed in domestic and world affairs, who I consider highly intelligent and a rational thinker, still believes that giving up any amount of freedom is okay because:

1. Why do I care if they bug my house, I have nothing to hide…and
2. Any invasion of privacy, any indignity suffered is worth peace of mind and safety

This is NOT the American spirit, the do or die attitude. All the heroes lying in Arlington cemetery, the men at Gettysburg and in your local veterans hospital, they did not suffer or die so that we could roll over to both a foreign enemy and our own government, and allow our privacy, our liberties and our dignity, in any situation, to be taken away in the name of "safety". America is not about safety, it is about freedom, at any price, and this ideal is what gained us the respect we once had in the world, it brought some of the world's greatest minds to our shores, brilliant people who risked their lives and gave up family and property simply to be free to think, free to live and damn it we are not free if we allow people to be detained indefinitely, if all our neighbor has to do is cry "terrorist" for us to lose all our right, if some stranger can put her hands all over me because I want to fly to my family reunion in Topeka. Now, of all times, Patrick Henry's famous words should be ringing in our ears. I cannot say my choice would be death over liberty, but if I were in a plane and someone tried to tell me to lie on the floor, you bet I would gather my fellow passengers and beat the tar out of him, like its happened a dozen times before.

911 was an atrocity. Including Pearl Harbor (and I do have my reasons for this) it was the worst attack on American soil ever and it fundamentally changed who we are as a nation, as well it should. However, if we continue with these types of antics at airports, and personally invasive laws, which yield no real results, haven't they won anyway? And even if that were not the case, personally I have no intention of staying in this country if it means I have less privacy, less rights that our neighboring countries.

America, love it or leave it. Bull. I say American, love it or CHANGE IT. Change is what we are about and mine is one voice of millions that do not like, that will not tolerate, the abuse of power coming from Washington and the terror the fear mongers in congress are generating to slowly strip of, WILLINGLY, of our rights to dignity, privacy and due process.

And just for the record, this blog has been brought to you by a self proclaimed liberal who borders on socialism.

EUREKA MOMENTS or LET ME PUBLISH YOU

I have put out the word on Facebook that I need your stories. I am publishing  a book on those "eureka" moments, the ones that change our lives forever. Not everyone has one of these, they are a rare and beautiful gift.

I am writing this blog to share mine with you not only because there is a lesson to be learned from it, but to illustrate the kind of thing I am looking for, to show what the moment of clarity looks like and to give you an idea of how your story may be told. I have not yet decided whether or not to write a narrative using your story or to use direct quotes, I would be interested to know which YOU would prefer seeing published and which you would prefer reading. I am leaning towards having you tell it in your own words.

I was a little girl that bright afternoon, sitting on the floor in my grandparent's oppulent bedroom in McLean. I clearly remember the French Provential furnishings, the ivory rug and the smell of my grandmother's powder permeating the room. These things I remember clearly because what was about to take place was so simple, so common, and yet were to affect me the rest of my life.

I was cross-legged on the floor, my nose a couple of feet from the old television, watching what I think was an ABC After School Special. It was the story of a lonely, sad girl who had no friends and was rejected and ridiculed by her peers. I could relate already to this child, it could have been me back when I was a foot taller than my classmates, skinny as a rail and too bookish for anyone to befriend me but the teachers, adding "teachers pet" to my sins.

This lonely girl on TV finally ended up befriending a crow. This bird walked with her and allowed her to hold it and she fell in love with him. He was her only friend in the world, the only one to listen to her problems, to comfort her, he allowed her to love and nurture him and in doing so he was loving and nurturing her in return.

One day, as she walked down the sidewalk, her crow walking next to her, a group of the popular kids her age came up and became interested in the bird. They asked her questions about it and thought she was really "cool" for having this bird follow her. The little girl was delighted to finally have people to talk to, to NOT be the outcast for once. But then someone threw something at the bird and it jumped. This created peals of laughter from the other kids and the next thing I remember seeing was the group of them circled around the crow, throwing stones at it and laughing as it tried to escape. It jumped and cawed and tried to fly away but was too damaged at this point to move.

The next camera shot was of the little lonely girl, standing with the rest of the kids, throwing stones at her friend, watching him die. Silent tears streamed down her face as she tossed stones at him until the life had been beaten out of him. But she was with people, her peers, for that brief moment they had accepted her and she was no longer alone. This sad child had killed the one thing she loved to fit in with the rest of humanity.

Suddenly my surrounding became crystal clear and the sights and smells of that room burned into my memory forever. I physically felt something fundamental shift inside of me and I knew at that moment I had changed forever. I knew then and there that I would never forsake anyone, including myself, for the acceptance of others.

As I got older I, like everyone else, faced peer pressure. Pressure to do drugs, pressure to have sex, pressure to do immoral or illegal things in the name of  "fun". I heard all of it. "come on, you chicken?" "what's wrong, we are all going why wont you?". But I never did unless I WANTED to. I even lost a career over this little girl and her bird when my reputation for non-conformity got me fired. My boss was afraid I would not  be a "team player" and look the other way while he swindled people out of their retirement. And he was right, I did not. I reported him for it even after he fired me.

I owe who I am and what I have become to that ABC After School Special, for it gave me the heart and the resolve to never give in, be myself and protect the ones I love. Even to this day there are times the images from that old TV screen fill my head and I can feel my resolve harden when faced with a difficult choice. I am not saying I gained any moral superiority from this, hell no. I am as damaged as the rest of the world. What I am saying is that I have the courage and sense of self to say no when I mean no and the hell with whether or not anyone likes it, or likes me for that matter. I will not kill my own bird for the acceptance of others.

So there is my "eureka" moment. Simple, short, but life changing. And that is what I would like from you. A little piece of your soul. In return you will not only get a signed copy of a small book, but more importantly you will get the opportunity to share with others your story and be able to feel how wonderful it is to open  it all up to the world. You also will help others learn from your special moments. I know that me telling this story to others has changed them. Even with no explaination, just relating the events of the show has helped people resist people-pleasing too much. Plus there is somethign about sharing your life changing moments that deepens them, adds dimension to them for your benefit.

If you are interested in being part of this project please email me at MyStoryInPrint@yahoo.com and I will get back to you ASAP.

(please note I will be out of town the 6,7 and 8 of this month but will return your email as soon as I get back or prior ot leaving).

Thanks.

Check THAT off the Bucket List!

Anyone who knows me well knows I am a speed demon. From roller coasters and airplane take offs as a kid, to motorcycle rides and racing my car on the streets of Fairfax as a teen, speed has always been in my blood and, as scared of things as I am, I hardly remember a time that going fast did anything but exhilarate me. There is a high about it that nothing compares to.

My birthday just passed and I asked Ryan, my to-be step son, to take me out in his uber-fast BMW as a birthday gift. Yesterday I got way more than I could have hoped for.

Seems Porsche had a patriotic moment here in the US and brought several of its newest, fastest cars, the 911 Carrera 4S, (a bargain at just $129,740) to Mayport Naval Station here in Jacksonville where both Mark and Ryan work. Porche set up a course on the air field and brought professional drivers (just like all the TV commercials that say "do not try this at home, professional driver on closed course") and offered free rides to the sailors. One course was more of a long straight away with several bone jarring turns, the other was a slalom, where you could ride along or actually drive it yourself. Looked like Ryan was going to surpass my request for a speedy ride.

The cars were attractive and sounded fierce, which I  hate to admit considering I always thought of the Porsche as a fancy Volkswagon with a lawn mower for an engine (listen to it, it sounds like a tractor!)but these cars were far from your usual 911. Sleek and attractive, the engines not so much roared as hummed, with an undercurrent of power you could feel in your bones. The day was overcast, cool but a bit breezy, so top speeds of over 180mph were impossible.

I signed my life away and all the rights for my kin to sue if I died a fiery death, got my hand stamped, grabbed a helmet and was off. I happened to get the best driver in the fastest car...yea! He asked if I was a screamer like the girl before me and I laughed my best Dorothy Parker laugh. Never could he scare me. The challenge was deliberate. I wanted FAST.

We hit 120MPH before I took my 3rd breath, which was a bit hard to do since the G-force was pretty impressive. As we picked up speed I could feel that exhilaration mixed with an odd feeling of calm that I always get when going stupid-fast. Then he hit the bakes to turn around and I dscovered the human eyeballs could simply shoot out of the head when you go from 167MPH to 30MPH in a nanosecond. Around the cones we went, the slalom looking impossible as we neared each cone, yet the car handled it with grace and class, not to mention the driver. Then it was back to the straightaway and it was over.

I thanked my driver, who seemed a little disappointed that he did not scare me (Ha! He has never been on the back of a motorcycle with Mark obviously!) and I met up with Ryan, grinning ear to ear the whole way but trying hard to look cool about it.

We then walked to the other end where the slalom was and where you could drive one of these beasts yourself. Ryan is under 21 so he could not drive but did take the ride. I watched his car, an insanely fast bright yellow machine, as it twisted and turned at break-neck speeds around the cones. I felt like I was in a a Porche commercial. Unfortunately, when it came to my turn (I was going to drive one myself) they were closing so I did not get the chance.

The whole experience was amazing. The car, even over 165mph, didn't shimmy or shake or act like any of this was a big deal. It was comfortable and smooth and had remarkable brakes that must have been reverse engineered UFO technology.  I have seen NASCAR drivers take random fans around the course pre-race and have always wanted to do that, knowing I would not be scared, I would be electrified, and yesterday I was.

So thanks Ryan, for the best birthday gift ever (along with the Fire of course) and the next $120,000 I come across I am getting a red one and you can drive it anytime you like.

The God State

A 51-48  vote Thursday killed a Republican effort to let both employers and insurance companies deny coverage for contraceptives and other items they object to on religious or moral grounds. In doing so, the Senate upheld Obama's policy, which guarantees women access to coverage for contraceptives through an employer's health plan or directly from an insurance company.

If it had passed, the amendment would have allowed insurance companies and employers to refuse to pay "if the coverage would be contrary to the religious beliefs or moral convictions of the issuer, or other entity offering the plan". Considering that health insurance is part of an employee's pay package, it would have been very disturbing to be paid only what your employer felt abided by his personal set of morals.

This issue illustrates a frightening trend in America, the assumption that if you are not a Protestant Christian you are not a decent person, a family person, or a "good American", whatever the proper definition of that is. And if you are an agnostic or atheist you are both vilified and prayed for.

Senator Scott Brown has called the issue "one of our most fundamental rights as a people - the freedom of religion," adding: "No one should be forced by government to do something that violates the teachings of their faith." (we are not putting you in the stockades, we are asking for the pill).

"The Blunt amendment would allow employers to deny  virtually any preventive or essential health service based on a religious or moral objection," Senator Jeanne Shaheen said. "An employer could deny coverage of HIV/AIDS screenings, prenatal care for single mothers, mammograms, vaccinations for children, or even screenings for diabetes based on a moral objection to a perceived unhealthy lifestyle."

Hm. I did not realize my work benefits and fair compensation were a moral issue, or that freedom to practice religion included depriving me if my rights as a citizen. This frightens me. As these conservative Christians are claiming to be protecting their freedom of religion (which is conveniently subjective), I find my basic freedoms being threatened, and not just regarding this amendment (which never uses the word "contraceptive"). One feels that if you are not part of a "traditional" family unit, if you are not "God fearing" or if you do not abide by the social and moral standards of the 12th century you are somehow a bad person, a dangerous person, with your liberal, socialist ideas. God is now the new excuse for controlling others, for justification of claims of being superior humans and citizens, and for being intolerant of anyone or anything you do not agree with.

I see old prejudices coming back into vogue and being embraced as positive things, moral ideas, God inspired beliefs. Homosexuals, unmarried couples (of either same or opposite sex), single parents, indeed, college students pole dancing for tuition, Wiccans (which is also a religion I might point out) are all back on the whipping post because "our American way of life is being threatened by these non-conformists and if you do not let me protect myself by allowing me to be judge and jury you are depriving me of my religious freedom and that will lead to the downfall of America". This is dangerous stuff people, this is a get-out-of-jail-free card for witch hunters. Do what you want and include "God" in it and you are untouchable.

Another joke is the newest reality show called The Republican Debates. They are nothing more than an "I am more Christian than you" contest and if you do not believe me, write a transcript of any one of them, but leave out any mention of religion, God or "traditional values". You will have even less substance than you do with these ideas. And these supposedly intelligent, educated old white males (sigh, once again) are going to convince us with a few references to the Bible that they are competent to lead this vast and complex nation?

These Christians (who are anything but in my book) act as if they are being persecuted at every turn, that they are the misunderstood guys in the white hats that will be fed to the lions at any moment and that you must band together with them to protect all our rights as religious people, when the truth is it is the non-Christians who are in danger of losing  freedoms. They have been labeled sinners and anti-American and told that, despite recent studies, traditional families are the ONLY acceptable ones and if you are not part of that well your healthcare needs to be limited. (Children who grew up in single parent households are better adjusted and more successful than ones who grew up in "traditional" two parent households where the parents were together only for the sake of the children. Further, newer studies are showing that same sex partners raise MORE mentally stable kids than households with parents of the opposite sex who are not happy).

So please, let's start talking about issues that matter and leave God out of it because frankly, as soon as you get all religious on me you lose all credibility. If I do not believe in your Bible, in your faith, than you may as well be arguing for the existence of unicorns. You sound ignorant, bigoted, narrow-minded and basically intellectually lazy to me, when you probably are non of those things. Just leave it for Sundays and for those of you who chose to drink the Kool-Aid.

(please note, religion and Christianity are different than spirituality and you do not have to be Christan to believe in a God-being.)

This Is Simply Seafoam!

A thick white blanket settled gently on the seaside town of Cleveleys near Blackpool on Wednesday, but this was no seasonal dusting of snow from above. The Environment Agency dispatched officers to Princess Promenade to gather evidence as gobs of foam blew in from the sea and smothered streets, cars and houses.

The foam is whipped up by strong winds once or twice a year along the town's seafront and vanishes soon after, a spokeswoman for the agency said. Lab tests on samples collected in earlier years have found no signs of pollution. Decomposing algal matter is the prime suspect for the mysterious lather.

"It appears to be naturally occurring. When the tides and winds combine to churn dead algal matter up from the bottom of the sea, it produces this foam, which is quite dramatic," the spokeswoman said. Officers visited Cleveleys on Wednesday and again on Thursday to collect more specimens to analyse. The results of the tests are expected to confirm the foam is natural and not caused by detergent in seawater or other pollution.

By studying the foam, the agency hopes to learn how and why it forms and so predict when the froth will return. "If we can understand what conditions cause it, that will help us predict it and help local authorities involved in the cleanup operations," the spokeswoman said. - guardian

...And these two Brits are hysterical!

Light!

Recently, a friend showed me a wonderful “secret” that has been happening probably for a decade in this one tiny Florida hamlet. One Christmas a gentleman loaded his bow and arrow with Christmas lights and shot them up into a tree. The effect was so festive he did it to his whole yard and volunteered his services to all his neighbors, who accepted gratefully.

 

Today, it is not really known whether he still decorates everyone’s trees or if he has taught them to do it themselves, but the effect is breathtaking and I only wish these photos could do it justice.

Christmas is a time when we all feel more connected to our fellow man (unless we are at a blow-out sale at Target then its every man for himself) and the fact that everyone pulls together in this neighborhood to decorate it for the season is visual proof of the sense of community here.

Since these photos were taken at night they are not the clearest, but please remember that all the vertical lights are the ones shot up into the trees. These lights go around corners and bends, from one block to the next. Quite impressive.