This article will contain some facts, and if you want to dispute them fine, I am grumpy the 3rd week of every month so right now I really don’t feel like looking up all the proper references that should accompany this writing, so you will have to do it yourself or take my word on it.
Alcohol is a drug. Period. Even the government once thought it was so harmful they had to pass laws against its use and would probably have made it part of The Axis of Evil if Dubbya were around then. Just because drinking is legally and socially acceptable now does not make it any less of a drug, by definition. Go argue the point with drunk ‘ole Bubba over there after he stops beating his wife outside the trailer. Or debate Chad over the same issue, though he overindulges in brandy not Budweiser, and beats his wife with the door closed, next to the antique Chippendale. (No Bubba, not a retired stripper, an old expensive chair). Better yet, ask Matt, he just got high with his buddies and they are lying around discussing the existential meaning of the last Star Trek episode they watched. Point being…. the stoners are not hitting anyone! Do you ever hear a cop yelling, “Mr. Pothead, stop the violence or I will be forced to shoot you”? No, but I know of a drunk or two who have smacked down a cop…or a wife…or a child, a mother, an animal…you get my drift. We all know people who turn into monsters when they drink. But how many do you know become aggressive on grass? The point being, and you can look this up, marijuana makes you mellow, it calms you down, makes you more open and friendly, or it just puts you to sleep. Unlike most every other drug, it turns you into a more peaceful person. And isn’t that contrary to why drugs are illegal? Because people do dastardly things to other people while taking them? Surely it cannot be the government imposing its standards of morality on us, making all drugs (except the one they like to abuse after dinner at The Club) illegal because it is unseemly to be in an altered state of consciousness? Don’t forget to put down that Highball before you start to argue with me on this one.
Unlike other drugs, legal or not, Marijuana is not a “violent” drug. The only violence related to MJ comes from the dealers themselves, which who would be eradicated if marijuana were to be legalized (Could California finally get one right here?) Marijuana is also not a “gateway” drug and guess what? There is no such thing as a gateway drug! Personally I think Nancy Reagan made that one up. Oh, and if given a choice, I would much rather drive with a person on marijuana than with a person on alcohol, but that is just a personal preference.
Legalization would also bring in much needed revenue to the individual states, something especially important to consider right now. It would greatly reduce the cost of our sacred War On Drugs, a futile endeavor if there was one, just ask a NARC officer. Legalization would also free up valuable and scarce prison space for the REAL criminals, the ones that murder and rape and steal, or beat up their wives outside trailers or next to antique Chippendales.
It could be prescribed, over-the-counter, for things such as migraines, glaucoma, asthma, and anxiety. A quick Google search could certainly give you a dozen more medicinally valuable uses for marijuana. Then there is hemp, the virtues of which the likes of Thomas Jefferson espoused.
The only real drawback I see in smoking Mary Jane is the urge to eat, or “the munchies” as the hip and cool refer to it. The munchies, in and of itself, is harmless and I, for one, am going to buy lots of stock in Little Debbie and Frito Lay if this Legalization bill in CA passes. Unfortunately, left unchecked, the munchies can lead to this, the beginning of my next rant: MUFFIN TOPS!
Fat people, skinny people, men, women, children …you see it everywhere! Even pets have it! Look at this, it’s a crime against nature!
I want to know which designer decided it is physically attractive to put a waistband at the hipline, effectively flattening the ass and forcing all that extra skin, fat and internal organs UP and OVER the waist-cum-hip band, effectively making you look like the Homo Sapien version of a breakfast pastry!
This, which is a true muffin top, is acceptable, even yummy, but the jeans thing…ugh, just add one of these:
To complete this urbane, sophisticated ensemble.
The mullet…Business in the front, party in the back!
So I propose we legalize Marijuana, with the same taxes, regulations, restrictions and penalties that apply to alcohol, and instead fill those jail cells with all muffin-topped mulletheads.
The world would be a much more beautiful place.
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